Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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