i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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