i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
