i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
