Your dad touched me again.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
