We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
