I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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