i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
