So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
