Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
