Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
