I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
