It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
