Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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