Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
