Soap is not a condiment
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Is it penis luge time yet?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
