Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
