you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
