Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
