i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
