The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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