I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
