yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
