Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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