absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We are two peas in an std pod
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
