Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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