Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
