Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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