Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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