Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
