i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Come share oat with me in your robe
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
