i was rollin on her like bob the builder
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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