she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
