Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
