I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
