also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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