Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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