physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
