How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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