i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
