Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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