Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
