I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
operation have a gay friend backfired
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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