A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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