No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
