hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
