I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
