I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
