So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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