He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
