She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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