Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Life is so much better after having sex.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
