I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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